Another failure!

No...really no clue how am I going to deal with this second failure in 2kyuu exam. Not only it has been a waste [in a way] of the investment of time and attention to it but comes with it also the feeling of failure that shrouds my spirits. I am really not well at dealing with the process of taking the same exam again and again and not clearing it. It will have some affect on my mainstream struggle for research too.

The dark clouds....please spare my being!!

Let me try and check what have I lost!
Nothing really but confidence...
But how can I not build it up again...do I have any other options..
Oh! shame it has been on me to have not cleared it the second time.

Gosh! the pattern n level concept has changed too from this year..in such case I must attend the classes again with the same teachers. They will be so disappointed with me. They and I together felt Level 2 would be realizable for me. But, alas! it has come to this that I should and I must clear it this time...leaving no stone unturned.

Dear God! Give me light! I know you have done so always... and the light has always been there. Thanks for being there with us forever. Lemme take the only another chance and enliven up my spirits and give enough confidence to myself by doing it asap!

Well! it's not like pressing a button and getting the thing required. I need proper planning and true dedication to deserve to definitely clear it this time!

May God be with us all!

"Failure to prepare is preparing to fail" --- got this quote when I was looking for an image for failure to paste it here. The quote says it all!

Violence in Speech

Well! this is influenced by the last Douglas Allen's lecture on Hind Swaraj, Gandhi and its relevance today. It isn't something new but we seem to forget very often that the likes of hitting, scratching, burning, bombing, shooting only do not classify as violence. Shouting, grumbling, frowning and for that matter silence too my friends can be so very violent. We all know this somewhere. Yet we think we didn't have a better option or choose it as an option that gives quicker results.

To illustrate the point lets notice how we try to ignore the beggars. Of course, it is useless to give alms 2 each one of them or even manage with there running around ur vehicle at the traffic signals. At the workplace, one can't help not hating a few people. How about noticing our behaviour towards them..... hihihihihi Number of such instances occur throughout the day when we aither become or make people around us victim of our violent speech.

Now, just being polite doesn't help much either. People and their minds are very smart to understand things that are unspoken yet meant. Thats how sometimes rude replies are preferred to the indirect polite ones.

Oh my my! The only way not to be violent is to be peaceful...
Lets watch out our speech!

अपने लिए वक़्त....

ऐसी कैसी ज़िन्दगी हो जो मैं अपने ही साथ वक़्त बिताने से कतराउँ...या अपने लिए ही समय ना निकाल पाऊँ। और जब मिले समय तो उलझी रहूँ।
ऐ मन! दिया और देंगे तुमको इतनी निगाह की मुझमे खोए न रहो....
पूरी आज़ादी होगी तुमहारी - चाहे जैसी भी बातें हो, उनको कहने और सुनाने की । सोचने और उनको करने या न करने का फैसला हम तुमसे ही पूछेंगे ।
देना साथ मेरा, चाहे वो निंदा करके ही क्यूँ न हो।
तुम्हारे बगैर मैं खाली और तुमको सुने बगैर मैं मत्सुन्न हो जाऊँगी ।

रहीम के दोहे यूँ ही नहीं सटीक कहे जाते, अब इस मौके पे मन तुमको ये सुनाया जाये -
"रहिमन निज संपत्ति बिना, कोऊ न विपत्ति सहाय ।
बिन पानी ज्यूँ जलज को नहीं रवि सके बचाय "

When I was blaming the administration....

If I am the aam junta, my work in the administrative offices are to be done only on my efforts. The simple mantra is that I be concerned about my work. C'mon that's how it is. Don't have to believe the paper is moved unless it actually moved in front of my eyes. However, there is a very practical way of learning there rules and regulation. I can be ignorant and when in the last minute some other paper doesn't seem to be moving, I have to go back and hunt for the earlier discrepancies that have led from my not paying due attention. Well, ignorance isn't a bliss in this case. If I ask questions I am told "You should know". So, I give two adjectives to myself - irresponsible and ignorant.

I cannot be short-tempered either. If I am, either the time taken increases and the work done inches out relatively at the mercy of the people on the other side of the table. No No. I, by no means, intend to say the other side is not good to us. Well! I was very politely asked for chocolates for the kids of the concerned person. It was very human. Kids do like chocolates but my likes and dislikes are ignored completely always.......... These people are also very responsible. People like me trouble them every now and then with our abovementioned peculiar traits.

Honestly, I feel bad for them. They are under continuous tremendous pressure unlike us. They have to stick to the rules of hierarchy in the office and then they are not know-alls. How can they let you know the procedure they themselves aren't sure of? After all, the plan of action for each of their colleagues follow are so variant and creative. Also, everytime there is a problem they are to be blamed. This isn't fair! Even though the blaming population actually deals with them in person, we are selfish. We work for ourselves and they work for us [possibly without any returns].

Here onwards, I understand it better than I did so earlier. Let me take lessons from this be prepared for the future ones. Who knows, if I ever go on the other side of the table, I might end up being subjected to similar blames and then.......... God save me the repentance!

Simplicity

S for Simple and Simplicity...Can be used as a Noun and majorly as a quality...
Some call it a missing life...others call it sensitivity..

grim it luks to the gaudy men, soothing it is to the poorsome
no one aims for one where, difficult to attain when done

too much of it may never suffice but lack of it might keep u shunned..
lesser simplified more complex, this is not simplicity that u pretend

it is not a dearth of keeping nor an art of presenting
to gain this state the poor and the rich employ equal working

comes straight from heart that all of us have...with our unique presence
words get warmth, etiquettes turn real..with the recognition of ones quintessence

where wud u stand and put me where in a scale of this simplicity?
worry not! as in or out is at least sure though constant is its relativity...

कल दिवाली है !

वैसे हर बार की दिवाली बहुत ख़ास नहीं होती थी । पर छ्ठ की धुन और छुट्टी की कमी में अक्सर दिवाली घर जाने की सफर में कटता था । ट्रेन से घरों के जगमगाते दीये देख के दिवाली मनाना अपने आप में एक अनोखा अनुभव था । एक बार तो दिवाली की रात ही घर पहुँची थी । पिछले साल अपने हॉस्टल की दिवाली की रंगोली और पूजा अच्छी थी । चाहे - अनचाहे अपने सुपरवाइज़र के घर गई थी ..और अगले दिन सुबह घर के लिए रवाना हुई थी ।

चाहे कुछ ख़ास न हुआ हो दिवाली पे पर एक त्योहार का एहसास काफी था खुश करने को । दूसरों को मनाते देखते भी, एक खुश होने की वजह रहती थी । मैं उन सभी छोटी -छोटी अनुभवों को आज बस याद कर रह हूँ । उनकी अहमियत और छोटी खुशियाँ आज तक टेकेन -फॉर -ग्रांटेड था ।

दिवाली घर हर बार नही बनाया पर मुझे सबसे प्रिय है । लाइट्स और दीया की तैयारियाँ अच्छी थीं । दीये को पानी में डुबोने पर उसके बुलबुले और सोंधी महक अच्छी होती है। शाम की चहल पहल...पटाखों की आवाज़ से गूंजता शहर ध्वनि प्रदुषण का प्रतीक था पर आज का सन्नाटा उससे भी संगीन जान परता है ।

सब कुछ है मैं यहाँ भी मना सकती हुं...पर न बाहरी शोरो-गुल है न भीतरी उल्लास ।

पर बेवकूफी है ऐसी शिकायतें ....और बेहतर है की अब भी मैं कम-से-कम भीतरी उल्लास को जागृत और कायम रखूं ...इन्टरनेट के ज़रिये काफी हद तक बाहरी शोरो-गुल भी मुझसे बहुत दूर नहीं ।

दिवाली मुबारक आप सबको !
और शुक्रिया उन सारे पिछले सालों का की अब भी मैं खुश होने की केपेबिलिटी रखती हुं।
दूर से मैं ज़्यादा समझ पाई दिवाली की अहमियत !

mera pura dhyan khaane pe hoga to main kaam kab karungi :((

itni creative main pehle kabhi nahi hui....
kuch diff banati hum aur chao se khati hun!!!

par beech me apne be taras khati hun...

ye japan hai...mujhe nahi aana yahan dubara

subah utho to the first thought comes is "doesn't it feel like a loooooonng fast!"
kahin bhi jaake kuch kharidke nahi kha sakti...
sochna parta hai...preplanning z a must.....
kuch diff nahi layi to chirhti hun ke kya khaungi....vahi bread...oh no! subah ki bani potato kheer [ye creative idea ab ghisa pita ho chuka hai]

kuch der baad khud ko sambhal ke banaya...kya cabage aur muli ki sandwich...fridge khola to mayonaise dikha...nahi last time harusame me dala to ulti si aa gayi thi !!
jhat band kiya fridge....aaj instead of aloo cabbage ki sabzi...aloo ki bhujiya banayi...bread toast kiya ...
socha aaj bhujiya ki hi sandwich khaun...par tabhi yaad aaya tha ki muli aur cabbage bread ke saath khate hain...aur beech beech mein bhujiya..

aur kitni daastaan sunaun...pata hai...mujhe kamsekam haldi to laani hi chahiye thi...par mujhe mat pucho kya dhun thi sawar ki manage kar lungi ya shayad dusri chizon mein khane ko nazarandaz kar gayi thi...

ab ye gaatha main foto laga ke bhi suna sakti thi....par sach kehti hun sanyam nahi hota ki khane ki photo lun chahe hostel me hun ya restaurant mein.....jab khana dikhta hai to bas khane ki sujhti hai...aur kuch ki sudh nahi rehti...

seekho doston isse kuch...jaise maine seekha...importance of food and the difficulties of surviving!!!!!!!!! hehehehehehehehe