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Monday, September 21, 2009

Sorry for being selfish...

Most of my time goes waste managing my own thoughts, tensions, anxiety and other such emotions. When I listen to a story or a narration, I think over it or say listen to it like I was the main next time please tell me, that's your story and I need to listen to it putting myself in your shoes...can't assure you of my selflessness even then..

So self-conscious I have been. Is that the root cause of this state. But what if I had not been self-conscious. Would that have been logical for people...

Will anybody believe me if I said I'm tensed because someone else is in a problem, who is not my relative, friend.... a complete stranger... Suppose I take the burden of someone else's work and do it and... forget mine, will that be appreciated by anybody [at least by the recipient of this help] ?

Won't you doubt my intentions if I did something like that for you? When the whole world struggles to live by oneself....what force do you think will drive me to work other than my self's worldliness?

Ah! not being wordly also needs a constant urge to self-enlightenment...I claim not any knowledge on this phenomenon though!

But like normal humans, if people like us don't interfere much in your work, you should be thankful... I know the danger of not looking at anything other than I but haven't I come this far to acknowledge the other's presence no matter if only with respect to self...

Let me admit! I am selfish. That makes my life easier. Less expectations... more concentration...

Anywez... how does my being so matter to anybody else... aren't you and others also very instinctively the same??


  1. Dear Nivedita Kumari,

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    the site is currently being constructed and will be finished by 1st of Oct 2009.

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  2. I am surprised to read all this about you after our last night truth and dare game? I am curious as to what ignited the spark to make you write this? I think a serious introspection happened.

    Clueless on what to say

  3. oh! is surely an introspection rather a musing... but not ignited by last night's game or discussions...plz notice the date...

    Is Bijoy, who is starting a malyali group...ur follower or friend?

    thanx fr d quick comment...selfish me needs attention too..[chuckle]

  4. Dear Nivi,

    Do not worry much, we all are selfish in some or the other sense. Moreover we are not under any indispensable obligation of being selfless when the world around us is being so selfish. Here I caution you on interpretation of my message. I am not meaning that being selfish is 'pleasing ourselves to the fullest' at someone else's cost.

    We constantly ask ourselves a question on how many accounts you see people laying down their lives in unselfish service to others? and do I have to dwell more on it anymore?? because you already know that it is a rarity.

    But being introvert and selfish has different connotations. As I understand your writing, it is being introvert that directs mind or one's interest partly to things within the self and it is different from being selfish. For example- while listening to a narration you tend to empathize by putting yourself into it. But being empathetic is scaled viz I cannot empathize with everyone equally. It is like affective experiencing, which cannot be same with everyone.

    So, do not value judge yourself, you are not selfish!!

  5. thanx fr the comment....
    i think i just meant v cant be able listeners and so can b selfish...
    I just meant self-centered attitude and not being introvert or closed to the world...

    wud u mind introducing urself? hw do u address me as nivi?